Living With Corona & Children
Living through Corona is easier for some than others. I live in a cozy apartment with my family; my husband and I have jobs and, we are all healthy. I am comparatively lucky. The virus is still rampaging around the world, creating second and third waves of infections in places already hit badly. We are only now accepting that we will have to keep living with Corona, perhaps for years. The Japanese government did not enforce the sort of strict lockdown regime seen in other countries, yet mysteriously Japan is doing OK. All that said, the fight isn’t finished here either. I notice that only a few months after the first wave peaked, I am able to recall how utterly exhausted and overstressed I was back then – especially between March and June. I feel that even though everything was in the past, it is important for me to retell my story and maybe help others by giving some kind of insights or by simply, being able to reflect your feelings and say: “I feel your pain!”
I had a two-year-old son who was in Buds class (Noah), a four-year-old daughter in Petals (Una) and a nine-year-old son at a public Japanese school (Luka). On the night of February 27th, like most families, we were shocked to hear Prime Minister Abe asking public schools to close nationwide, not knowing until when and how we were to manage everything. The uncertainty was the first shock for parents. Despite plenty of doubt about the accuracy of the recorded number of cases in Japan, at least until the Tokyo Olympics was postponed, we were still meant to believe that Japan was not at the same terrible stage as say, Italy. Yet, now the country’s leader was calling for all schools to close. Should we be prepared for the worst-case-scenario? It didn’t help that our leader was sending mixed messages at a time when we just wanted accurate information with clear and constructive guidance about what we should be prepared for and what we should do.
Then came the second shock – the reality that awaited after the lockdown. Fortunately, my mom who lives nearby offered to take Luka on the days I worked at Ohana. That worked out nicely until things got a little more serious. Ohana closed early for Spring break from March 14th and reopened briefly after the break and then closed again from April 6th until Ohana reopened face-to-face classes from May 25th. Those bald dates underestimate how nerve-wracking it was as teachers not knowing how long we had to keep the school going while hearing more and more heartbreaking news from around the world. At the same time, we had to adapt to an online teaching program that we had to develop and adjust to very quickly: Line group videos, Zoom meetings, Boom Cards, Vooks, Universal Library and many more were all so new to me. We were constantly chatting and meeting via Line to make lesson plans and to give feedback to each other. It was encouraging but at the same time very challenging and draining.
Meanwhile, as a mother, I was starting to struggle at home. There were the small stresses that constantly lurked around the corner. Can we buy toilet rolls today? Should we also be hoarding food supplies? The bigger stresses were how to deal with having three children around me all day long while keeping the house and my job going. Never have I had to multitask all simultaneously. I have to say, the mornings were always peek-stress. Unlike, international schools which swiftly transferred to online classes (of course, that does not make things easier as parents have to also schedule and supervise children’s online classes, entertaining and feeding them in between) most public schools stayed analogue. Ours put a bit of new information on the school website – basically a link to a single A4 sheet with a weekly to-do list and a couple of reference links. It was left to us parents how to keep up with the school curriculum.
This is what it looked like. We would wake up in the morning, quickly fix some breakfast and usually in the middle of cleaning up the mess and starting the washing machine, Noah’s morning circle began so we would rush to make some space for him but with not much luck. Una would start helping herself to color pencils and paper which would take away Noah’s attention and thus the fight to keep him in front of the screen began. In the background, my husband tried to set up a work space for Luka who was often uncooperative and preferred entertaining himself by distracting his younger siblings. Before I could enjoy any of the content, Una’s class began. Noah who was unwillingly joining his own circle was now eager to join Una’s so then the fight for who sits where began…Just when Una was starting to enjoy her own class, I would have to stop her in the middle so that I could join Flowers circle as a teacher. I usually had 45 to 60 minutes to take part in the class and by then my husband (who had just started a new job) had left for work so I had to lock the kids in their room, which brought five minutes peace before the screaming started. I tried to keep a brave face on the screen as I was asking questions and taking notes of the children’s responses in my small breakup room. I would give a “please wait!” glance at my children but usually their voices drowned out the sound of the children on the screen, so I would mute myself and shout at my children to stay quiet. Sometimes that actually worked. Every minute felt like a fight and there were so many bad parenting moments that I would not even dare to write here. Even when Flower’s circle finished, I usually had to set another hour or so aside to take a team call, sending feedback or preparing for my own class. Already half my day was gone and the housework was still not done, I had to fix lunch and then focus on Luka so that he would finish his work.
Most times, I had to take another meeting call in the afternoon and I took that opportunity to drag the kids outside – sometimes, it was hard to follow serious meetings when your kids are pulling your arms to help climb up a two-meter wall but at least, they were having fun and it was far less stressful for me. We liked to go to this space in between local public housing, which we called the “green area.” It was a small, compact strip of land lush with grass, trees and insects and nobody else was there other than one or two dog owners. After about two weeks of late afternoon play in the rain or sunshine, an elderly woman approached and, seeing the children on their bikes, said it was “dangerous”. I realized that it was her way of saying, “Don’t play here.” A few days later, as we were playing hide and seek, an elderly man who lived in one of the apartments approached Luka and whispered something in his ear. He told Luka not to play here. I figured that the green space was publicly owned and therefore, as a taxpayer, we had the right to use it. Plus, a local kindergarten uses the space to catch bugs. More importantly, we were doing no harm and being told off twice seemed very small minded, given how tough life was for the parents of young children. I called up a couple of officials in our ward and after a few days, I got a call back from somebody who claimed to manage the space and was told it is registered as a 植栽地(shokusaichi), meaning “planting space” and therefore not a public park. People could pass through with their pets but couldn’t use it to play. I felt defeated by this bureaucratic response. What made me upset was that some people do not have the heart to bend petty rules, especially during these unusual circumstances and certainly I could have used a little compassion.
Life moves on and we survived. I am grateful to my husband who helped me out as much as he could and for my coworkers who were so patient with me even when I could not contribute as much as I wanted. The turning point was when I was asked if I wanted to go back to work face-to-face from the last week of May. Luka’s school was far from going back to a regular schedule. And amidst all the drama, he entered third grade and Una started her local kindergarten in April. I just did not feel ready to go back but the bigger concern was I wanted some time to amend my relationship with my kids after so many arguments, fights, shouting and crying. Luckily, I have a very understanding workplace, which waited until mid-June for me to go back. Only after admitting to myself that I was overwhelmed did I feel the heavy weight lift from my shoulders and understand that I had needed to release all my stress, frustration and guilt. It wasn’t until July when I was finally able to make some time for myself twice a week – until then, I had ZERO self-time. When I treated myself by going to a hair salon for the first time in a year, having a decent cup of coffee with my friends or going for a run I felt human again.
Everyone had their own way of dealing with Corona. I know other moms who corralled themselves and kids at home for fear of getting the virus; some of my child-free friends actually enjoyed life during quarantine because they had more time. For me, it was quite a life experience. Would I like to do it again? Hmm…
Photo taken from:
https://www.lsu.edu/chse/education/bestpractices/2020/july.php
